Just two weeks ago, I thought I was going to have to change my blog's name. I was trying to think of what to change it to, the thoughts of "No longer a single girl's journey of weight loss" came to mind, "Im FINALLY getting married" was also a choice, but my favorite was "I do, how I lost weight and found love". I know it's been a while since I have written a blog, and that is because a lot has been going on in my life. Your probably saying to yourself, wow I didn't even know she was dating anyone....well that's because I have kept things under wraps because I wasn't sure where it was going or leading to and wanted to let things just take their course, and eventually that's what everything did.
I have mentioned him several times in my blog, a guy named Carson. I know you are probably thinking to yourself OMG, because after everything I have been through with this guy, he was definately not deserving of a second, third, fourth, heck I lost count, chances. Your right, but something inside of me kept telling me to pursue it. And I did. Much to the dismay of my family and friends, and now much to the huge disappointment and hurt of myself. So here is how it went down.
After our breakup on New Year's Eve, when he and I had made plans to spend the evening together and then he texts me when I was minutes from his house to tell me he wanted to go out with his friends, we didn't speak to each other for six weeks. On Valentines day, he contacted me wishing me a Happy Valentines Day and that began the communication. We spent Valentines Day together and instantly fell into the same old pattern we once were. About a week after Valentines Day, I was on facebook, and noticed he had added a girl as his friend, so I started to look at her profile. She had posted a picture of him that, mind you, he had sent to me months prior, saying basically look at my hot man. I was like WTH?!?!....so I approached him about it and he flipped out saying he didn't control what other people posted on facebook, that they were just friends, and that there was nothing going on between them. I contacted her asking why she had the picture up, if there was more to it than just a friendship, and of course she didn't respond. He stopped talking to me for about a week, and then later, made me beg and grovle for his forgiveness because he made it seem like I was the crazy one for thinking that he was cheating/lying. We got over it and continued on in our relationship. Don't ask me why though, because hind sight is always 20/20 and I should have never continued, but I did.
Then something switched inside him. I don't know what it was, what caused it or what brought it on, but he was a different person. He started making dates with me. We would go out to dinner, go shopping, go for frozen yogurt, take drives, go grocery shopping, he would spend a lot of time at my house, and vice versa. It was different. It was different than anything we ever had before. It was like we were a real couple. I was making him breakfast and lunch when he would stay over at my house to take to work with him, he would do the same for me, and it was just a completely different experience than what we had before. I thought he was a changed man and I thought he had changed for the good and made our relationship change for the good. One night we went out to Sushi at this new very expensive place and he paid, which let me tell you was not normal for him. Normally, if we went out I paid, but nope, anytime we went out he was paying, even for the grocery shopping. Spending time with him was amazing and I couldn't have been happier. Now, I have mentioned before, but he is in the Army. So he had been telling me that he would be heading into the field for 5 weeks and he would be away, so we were trying to make the most out of our time together before he left. We spent a lot of time together which just made me the happiest girl alive.
The weekend before he left to go into the field, we spent together. We went out for a very nice date on Saturday and then Sunday I helped him pack and do laundry and then watched movies that night. Before he left the next morning, he gave me a key to his house. Told me to go over whenever I wanted, asked if I could watch over it while he was gone, and also check his mail. So of course me, I wanted to snoop. To see if I could find anything that I should be worried about. My friend and I went over a couple days into him being in the field and searched his house. The only thing incriminating that I found was a box of condoms in his bed side table that I knew were not for me, and had never been used on me. They were not there when I repoed all his Christmas presents on New Year's Eve when we broke up, so they had to be recent. It was a 12 pack with only 7 in there, 5 missing. I was furious. I was mad. I was hurt. I wanted to text him right then and there and ask him why he had them. But I refrained because it wasn't a conversation I wanted to have through text. So the next day I was talking to a friend from out of town and she told me something that really helped me. She was like Brittany, you guys were broken up for six weeks. He admitted to you that while you were broken up, he did see other people. You were not an angel yourself. At least give it to him that he was safe about it. I agreed. I couldn't be mad at him for the time we were broken up, all I could do was let it go and if any others came up missing, then that is when I could be mad.
So he was gone for exactly two weeks when he got to come home for the first time. He was only home for the weekend and so I wanted to make the most out of it. He got home Friday, and I was going to give him Friday to relax, regroup, and refresh before seeing him on Saturday. Plus I already had plans to go to the gym, and hang out with my friend Jayson. So Saturday, May 5, Cinco De Mayo, comes along and my family was coming into town to hang out and spend some time together. I had asked what he was going to be doing during the day, thinking we would hang out later in the evening, and he said he had errands to run. Perfect! So my family left about 5pm, and I texted him to see what our plans were so I could get ready. He said that he had a major migraine and was going to be staying in all night and he would come over to my apartment the next morning. He got "migraines" quite often, and I understand what that is like so I wanted to give him his space. So I ended up spending the evening by myself, and got quite bored. Around 9:30pm, I decided to go for a drive. This is something I would normally do, but I wanted to drive by his house. If I saw the lights on I would stop and check on him to see if he was ok and if he needed anything. So I get to his house about 10pm, and his truck isn't home. Hmmm....why would he be gone at 10 at night? That didn't make sense to me. I texted him, he didn't respond. So I have a key, I go into the house, and everything looks normal, no big deal, but I still couldn't figure out why he wouldn't be home. Finally around 1030, I head home and go to bed. The next morning I woke up, and texted him asking if he was still coming over. He had a very bad habit in the past of making plans and not following through, so I just was verifying. He said he would be still coming over in a few hours.
So he showed up to my house about noon, and he said he was hungry. We went to Bufallo Wild Wings for lunch and we had a great time. He paid. Again, I know this is something that should not be surprising but it was because of our previous history together. Then we went for ice cream and then shopping because I needed a new pair of capris. We came back to my apartment to watch a movie and we started talking. I told him that the night before he said he had a migraine and I went by his house to check on him and he wasn't there. He responded saying oh you went by around 930-1030? I was like yeah how did you know and he was like because I woke up from a nap and decided to go out for a drive, which is something he and I had in common when we first started dating, that we liked about each other because that is what we do to clear our minds. I didn't question it because he did give me a specific time for which he was gone, and it wasn't out of character. I told him that I was glad he was honest with me and that I felt like I could approach him about it because in the past I wouldn't have, I would have just assumed and then blown up at him. I felt like we got ten times more closer and connected on a deeper level than we ever did that day. He did too.
He went back out into the field that Monday, and for the next three weeks, my life changed. We grew more closer. We talked more. We didn't just talk, we communicated. Wants, needs, visions for our future, everything. It was amazing. His boss, who is also a friend of mine because Carson had referred me to him when he needed a loan, invited us to Arizona to stay with him and his family for memorial day weekend. I was so excited to be going on vacation with him, for the whole weekend. We started planning for our vacation. He then texted me about a week later to let me know that his boss had forgot to ask his wife before asking us along, and that we probably wouldn't be able to go. Bummer. But he said he would think of something else and surprise me. So we still had plans for the weekend. I told him that my mom's birthday was on that Thursday before memorial day and I wanted to be able to go see her in New Mexico to spend it with her and he was fine with that. The Friday before he came home, which was May 18th, he and I had been texting each other all day, and I was busy at work and he knew that so when I pulled my work email up and saw I had gotten an email from him I was surprised. Because he never emailed me at work one, and never emailed me period. So I pulled it up, the subject line said I love you, and the body of the email said four words.
Will
You
Marry
Me?
I think I screamed. I think I was in shock. I was happy I know that. I had a million and one thoughts going through my mind. But the only thing I could type was YES! He texted me and told me I made him the happiest man alive and that he was excited to spend the rest of our lives together. I told him that of course I would marry him but if he was serious, he needed to buy a ring, and propose to me in person. He said he would. Over the next couple days, he had asked me if I had told anybody and I told him I had, which I did, I told my coworkers and friends and family. I asked if he did and he said he told his mom. He doesnt' have a close relationship with him mom so the fact that he told her was amazing to me. He also told me stories about how he would be talking to someone and said "well my fiance this, my fiance that"....so I really was flattered that he was already calling me his fiance. He told me that the day he got back from being in the field, which was Friday he wanted to take me out to a really nice dinner and celebrate. He made reservations. I was so excited.
That Friday was a VERY long day. I woke up that morning and drove back to El Paso after spending the evening with my mom, I had taken Thursday-Monday as vacation from work to be able to spend with him. I went to the gym when I got back into town and then headed home to pack for our romatinc weekend together and he called me. He said he just got back to base, and had an hour for lunch before he needed to head back to get more soldiers from the field and wanted to know if I wanted to have lunch with him. So I went and had lunch with him, it was very nice of him. So then I went home and packed and went to his house. They were running late because they had equipment to bring in so he didn't end up getting home until about 7:30 that night. Our reservation was for 830, and it was a good 30 minute drive to the restaurant. So he got in the shower and I watched tv while finishing getting ready myself.
He got out of the shower and the door bell rang. I thought it was the tv, but he left the room to go answer it. After a while he returned, slamming the door very angrily. I asked who it was at the door and he said it was his ex girlfriend. What?!?!? Why would your ex girlfriend be showing up the day you get out of the field and why would she even need to show up. Didn't make sense. He proceeded to tell me that they were arguing and she slapped him, and then he hit her back. WHAT?!?!? He said she was calling the cops. OMG...are you serious? I asked which ex girlfriend it was, why she showed up, etc etc because it just made absolutely no sense to me. So the cops show up and automatically assume it was him and I that were fighting. After assuring them it wasn't us, he told them that it was his ex girlfriend. They started getting all the information when the next door neighbor came over saying she witnessed the whole thing. So then the officer asked who I was, and he said, oh that is my GIRLFRIEND....after so many times of him telling me he told other people I was his fiance. I was quick to correct him. I guess the ex had left so the police asked for her information and he told them she lives in Las Cruces (which is about an hour away) and that she drove a white Chrysler 300. Ok...when he and I first started dating, the same thing happened, with the same chick one night when he got out of the field. Except that night I left and broke up with him for two weeks over it. So I am thinking to myself what the heck does she still need to talk to him about because this was over a year ago that it originally happened. I was shocked. The neighbor told the cops that Carson had just defended himself so he was good and the cops left. We ended up leaving to go to dinner around 9pm. I tried getting more information from him but it just wasn't happening so I decided to give up and just enjoy my dinner. It was very nice and very romantic. We went home and went to bed.
The next morning we started getting ready to go out of town and he was packing his bag and I decided to bring up the condoms. Just so he knew I knew they were there. All I expected him to answer was oh I got those from when we were broken up, end of story and I would have let it go. But no. He made me feel so stupid. He was like they are condoms, when I asked what they were, and I said I knew what they were, but what are they for and he said most people use them for protection. Duh...I know that, but he just got increasingly irritable the more and more I pressed him about it and then walked out of the room. I decided to drop it but I was so mad. So mad that it put me in a horrible mood for the rest of the day. Finally later that night when we were on our way to dinner at the hot springs we stayed at I brought it up again. Again same thing. So we left that Sunday to go home and we were both irritable and wasn't really talking. Then we started having a conversation about his exes. Not a good conversation to have. He kept saying things to the effect of oh she was the one but she screwed it up, or she was the last girl I ever was in a relationship where I didn't cheat, etc. I was mad. Why are you telling me this? So he realized I didn't like the conversation and told he would stop talking about it. He stopped talking alright, stopped talking about everything. Wouldn't even talk to me the rest of the way home. We get to his house and I felt like he didn't even want me there. I asked and he told me I could go home he didn't care. So I left.
I came back to my place and hung out with my mom, and later that night we went for a drive. By his house of course. As we were driving by, I noticed him standing outside talking to another female by her car. I was so mad. I turned so ghetto in those few minutes that I had never seen myself like that before. I jumped out of the car and started acting like a fool. He told me it was a friend and she left and drove away. I was mad and we talked and he calmed me down and talked to my mom for a little while and then said he was going to get gas. We drove around the corner and he didnt' return. I texted him to tell him I was going back to his house because I had left my dress there and wanted to wear it the next day, but that wasn't the truth. He said he wasn't home to go in and get it, and I asked why and he said he went for a drive. Ok...no problem.
So the next day on Monday, he had to work and wasn't answering any of my texts. My friend Jayson and I wanted something to do so we went for a drive on to base and went by his work and his truck was there and then decided to go for dinner. We went to the Burger King on base. Still no word from Carson so the next day I noticed I was missing my headphones to my ipod that I had been playing in his truck. So I texted him to see if he had them, and he said yes. I told him I would get them from him sometime and he responded saying he would bring them to me and he was very angry about it. I was like what is your problem. He asked me who the Asian guy I was with. I wa slike what, my friend Jayson who is gay? And he was like whatever you were all hugged up on him have fun with your new man, goodbye. I was like what the heck, are you serious? So I was mad, and I found his ex the one that showed up on Friday on facebook and I wrote her. Because she had posted a picture, a picture by the way the Carson had sent me while he was in the field on her profile. I just asked her what was going on with them that she came over and why she was posting pictures. She never responded and things got increasingly worse and worse with Carson and I. So I told him that Thursday morning before work I would go over and pick my headphones up to leave them on the table, because I still had a key. So that morning I go to his house, and I also wanted to get my other things that I had at his house, and found a receipt in his drawer. A receipt for the Olive Garden. Carson hates the Olive Garden. So I was like why would he have gone there. So I start looking, and notice it was for two people. What? Then I am like which olive garden did he go to, and it said Las Cruces, ok why would he go to Las Cruces to go to the Olive Garden. Then I noticed the date and I was soooo mad. It was for May 5, the day he told me he had a migraine and then went for the drive.
I was beyond mad at this point. I was seeing red. So I have never looked through his computer before because I have always felt like that is an invasion of privacy, but something was telling me to do so that day. So I did, and what I found was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. First, his browser history showed that he was not only on the dating website he and I met on, but also several others to include online booty call, adult friend finder, big girl booty call finder, etc. I was horrified. But nothing as bad as I would be next. I looked in his pictures folder. There were over 500 pictures of girls and their naked body parts in that folder. Pictures that were labeled even. Sandra, 2009, butt...Tyona 2011 boobs. It was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life. I was so mad that I left his house and went out to my car and texted him. Yes, I should have waited till I was calm, but I couldn't help it. I said some very mean and vulgar things to him. All he could do is respond saying he didn't go to the Olive Garden with his ex, he went there to see a "friend". Whatever. So the next day he came over to get his key, and we haven't talked since.
I am completely crushed, heart broken and sad. At first I was mad and angry, which was good, but now it's setting in of the full amount of the breakup. Because this time it is really over. After seeing what I saw, there is no way I could go back. I honestly wish I would have seen those pictures earlier so I would have stopped seeing him then. So now I don't know what to do. I am hurt and crushed. It's a real breakup now. And I know that so I am having a hard time dealing with it. People say to put my online dating profile back up, but I don't want to. I really want some time to myself. So work on me. I know he was the most horrible person in the world, but he hurt me so badly that I think I would take out my mistrust and anger on the next person if I don't give myself some time to breath.
So now I don't have to worry about changing my title of my blog, but now I get to work on me. It's good an bad. I think I liked the idea of the future with him, or the possibility of having a future and being married etc. But I need to not look for the possibility and be more aware of the present. Well that is all for now. I think I have told you all enough. Lol. I will try to write more now.
Till Next Time...
